Award

Tonight I feel I should give myself a big award. I was invited to Trick-or-Treat with Cami and her dad's family. I went and enjoyed myself. I like his wife and their kids are precious. I love seeing Cami as a sister. In our house, she is an only child. It was refreshing to watch her with her sisters.

I must say, I struggled emotionally this weekend and couldn't figure out why. I've been on a semi-health kick, my career is going well, I've been happy. But this weekend was difficult. I finally surmised that I'm not where I want to be as a family. I had an expectation that 1) I wouldn't get divorced, and 2) after I did divorce, I would remarry and have another child. Well, here I am, 8 years out of my divorce, no man in sight, and certainly another child is not in sight. I decided that what was making me sad this weekend was the fact that my vision of "family" wasn't spending the evening with my ex-husband, his wife, their kids, and my child.

Once I put my finger on my issue, all I could was make the best of it. It is what it is. I am who I am. I'm in control putting the right things in my body, I'm in control of how I raise my child, I'm in control of my happiness.

So again, I think I deserve an award. I taught my daughter tonight that family is important, regardless of "which" family she belongs to. We are all a family, although very nontraditional, a family nonetheless.

Everything

Tonight I am feeling as if "I can't do it all." I try. I really do. I try to exercise 3 times a week, eat healthy, have Cami eat healthy, keep up with the house cleaning, keep up with the laundry, maintain the yard, be a great mommy, make lunches, make breakfast, make dinner, be a great employee, etc. I try to be social with my fabulous friends. I can't seem to make it all work at the same time, though. I see other mommy's do it. I have friends that do it. I'm not sure why I can't do it. Ugh.

However, I love, love, love watching my girl play soccer. I love her laugh. I love tickling her sweet, soft skin at bedtime. I even love her meltdowns b/c I know that she has a huge heart and a love for life. I love her sassiness. I love her witty comments. I love her dedication to learning. I'm truly blessed. I have one amazing, full-of-life daughter.

So what if I can't do it all?!?! I was put on this earth to be Camilla Jane's mother. Thank you, God.