Award

Tonight I feel I should give myself a big award. I was invited to Trick-or-Treat with Cami and her dad's family. I went and enjoyed myself. I like his wife and their kids are precious. I love seeing Cami as a sister. In our house, she is an only child. It was refreshing to watch her with her sisters.

I must say, I struggled emotionally this weekend and couldn't figure out why. I've been on a semi-health kick, my career is going well, I've been happy. But this weekend was difficult. I finally surmised that I'm not where I want to be as a family. I had an expectation that 1) I wouldn't get divorced, and 2) after I did divorce, I would remarry and have another child. Well, here I am, 8 years out of my divorce, no man in sight, and certainly another child is not in sight. I decided that what was making me sad this weekend was the fact that my vision of "family" wasn't spending the evening with my ex-husband, his wife, their kids, and my child.

Once I put my finger on my issue, all I could was make the best of it. It is what it is. I am who I am. I'm in control putting the right things in my body, I'm in control of how I raise my child, I'm in control of my happiness.

So again, I think I deserve an award. I taught my daughter tonight that family is important, regardless of "which" family she belongs to. We are all a family, although very nontraditional, a family nonetheless.

Everything

Tonight I am feeling as if "I can't do it all." I try. I really do. I try to exercise 3 times a week, eat healthy, have Cami eat healthy, keep up with the house cleaning, keep up with the laundry, maintain the yard, be a great mommy, make lunches, make breakfast, make dinner, be a great employee, etc. I try to be social with my fabulous friends. I can't seem to make it all work at the same time, though. I see other mommy's do it. I have friends that do it. I'm not sure why I can't do it. Ugh.

However, I love, love, love watching my girl play soccer. I love her laugh. I love tickling her sweet, soft skin at bedtime. I even love her meltdowns b/c I know that she has a huge heart and a love for life. I love her sassiness. I love her witty comments. I love her dedication to learning. I'm truly blessed. I have one amazing, full-of-life daughter.

So what if I can't do it all?!?! I was put on this earth to be Camilla Jane's mother. Thank you, God.

Dad

So today is Father's Day. I ache to hear my dad call me "punkin'" or to laugh at Cami's antics. He adored that girlie! They have quite a connection even now that he is gone. She speaks of him often and also reassures me that he is our angel. I believe her. I believe children have a spiritual connection with life "on the other side." My dad watches us and takes care of us. For that I'm thankful. I miss his laugh, his grin, his dimples, his compassionate eyes, his loving hugs, his ridiculously detailed stories, his quick wit, his passion for writing, and really, I just miss HIM.

A break

I'm missing my sweet girl tonight. It is ironic that sometimes I can feel in my soul that I need a bit of a break for a little alone time, but then I long to hug her and laugh with her. Cami and I have an amazingly strong bond, which is wonderful. I'm truly blessed. But she comes to my bed EVERY SINGLE night. I reach a point where I just need a little "me" time. I don't want an animal or a child touching me, or climbing on me. 24/7 adds up quickly, especially for someone who is so fiercly independent. I get overwhelmed at times with working full time, soccer practice, grocery store, cleaning, cooking dinner, being a disciplinarian, paying bills, etc. Then do it all over again beginning at 5:30 a.m. the next day. I feel guilty about needing/wanting a break, but I do feel refreshed when I get it. I also tend to not even want to see friends when she's gone. I truly am THAT tapped out that I can't bring myself to be social. So, she has been gone an entire 10 hours and I miss her terribly. Sigh. Enough break...

Weekend

Great weekend! Friday was BB practice. Cami plays on an all boys team. They think she's tough, but Friday night she was tripped and she bawled! All the boys (coaches included) just stared at her. She is tough, but she still has estrogen!

Game Saturday, they lost, but she played well.

Two birthday parties Saturday. One was for her friend Aiden. We saw the Tooth Fairy, super cute! The other was for my friend Erin! Both were great.

Today, Cami had a huge agenda, but so did I...cleaning and laundry. I know, yuck. It is terrible we have to use our weekends to catch up, at least it is for an 8 year old. We only got to 2 of her things on her agenda, the obstacle course for her magic beans, and Yoyo's. I got to all the things on my agenda so we were both happy.

She is sleeping, the house is clean, laundry is still going, and I'm going to relax. But Brothers and Sisters is a repeat..ick! Guess I'll go to bed early...

Have a great week!

Cami asks...

A meterologist came to visit 2nd grade on Tuesday. Cami made the Q and A section!

http://www.kvue.com/community/blogs/meghans-weather-corner-blog/CC-Mason-2nd-Grade-Students-Ask-Weather-Questions-82154347.html