Normalcy

Normalcy (according to Websters):

Definition of NORMALCY

: the state or fact of being normal

Examples:

1. Let's hope for an end to the war and a return to normalcy.
2. normalcy of peacetime life>

My question is this: "what is the state...of being normal?" What is the operational definition? What in the hell is "normal?" My normal and your normal are probably different. My normal is a quiet home with my daughter. On a week night we do homework, have dinner, shower, and then watch tv or play outside IF there is time. Then it is read and go to bed. Weekend...our normal is to totally chill out on Friday nights. We are both too exhausted to formulate a thought. Saturday and Sunday are typically soccer games, groceries, errands, play dates, movies, etc.

I WANT my "normal' to be all of the above without the added stresses of work, or mood swings (we are both female after all), pressures, being pulled multiple directions, cleaning house, doing laundry, etc. Okay, I want to have my cake and eat it too. I'm sick of that cliche. But I guess that sums up my wants. While I'm on that subject however, I must say that I also want a companion. I want to share my life with another adult, preferably a cute, intelligent male. I think I wanted another child (given I have the aforementioned male companion.) I'd love a bigger home, more organization, more time to devote to my child and more time to effectively do my job. Perhaps being on only 1 campus would help? Maybe it wouldn't. Really, I want to have an effect on children and teachers. I want to demonstrate and model the best practices of educating and parenting. I need to seek that opportunity, as well as the other opportunities I mentioned. I want to be thin without stretch marks. Now...let me get back to my reality... :-) We all have dreams.

Camp Invention

Cami was quoted in the paper! She had a blast at Camp Invention!

http://leanderledger.com/2011/06/28/how-to-make-an-inventor-…/

Tonsilectomy

Initially I thought, "she's just having her tonsils out." Now we are on day 5 and she is still in pain. I don't like it one bit. She woke up in the middle of the night with intense ear pain, and it is still here as I type. She did overcome vomiting on day 2 which was horrible. Each day is better, so I'm thankful for that.

Today is the 4th of July. I hope we are able to get out of the house at some point.

Award

Tonight I feel I should give myself a big award. I was invited to Trick-or-Treat with Cami and her dad's family. I went and enjoyed myself. I like his wife and their kids are precious. I love seeing Cami as a sister. In our house, she is an only child. It was refreshing to watch her with her sisters.

I must say, I struggled emotionally this weekend and couldn't figure out why. I've been on a semi-health kick, my career is going well, I've been happy. But this weekend was difficult. I finally surmised that I'm not where I want to be as a family. I had an expectation that 1) I wouldn't get divorced, and 2) after I did divorce, I would remarry and have another child. Well, here I am, 8 years out of my divorce, no man in sight, and certainly another child is not in sight. I decided that what was making me sad this weekend was the fact that my vision of "family" wasn't spending the evening with my ex-husband, his wife, their kids, and my child.

Once I put my finger on my issue, all I could was make the best of it. It is what it is. I am who I am. I'm in control putting the right things in my body, I'm in control of how I raise my child, I'm in control of my happiness.

So again, I think I deserve an award. I taught my daughter tonight that family is important, regardless of "which" family she belongs to. We are all a family, although very nontraditional, a family nonetheless.

Everything

Tonight I am feeling as if "I can't do it all." I try. I really do. I try to exercise 3 times a week, eat healthy, have Cami eat healthy, keep up with the house cleaning, keep up with the laundry, maintain the yard, be a great mommy, make lunches, make breakfast, make dinner, be a great employee, etc. I try to be social with my fabulous friends. I can't seem to make it all work at the same time, though. I see other mommy's do it. I have friends that do it. I'm not sure why I can't do it. Ugh.

However, I love, love, love watching my girl play soccer. I love her laugh. I love tickling her sweet, soft skin at bedtime. I even love her meltdowns b/c I know that she has a huge heart and a love for life. I love her sassiness. I love her witty comments. I love her dedication to learning. I'm truly blessed. I have one amazing, full-of-life daughter.

So what if I can't do it all?!?! I was put on this earth to be Camilla Jane's mother. Thank you, God.

Dad

So today is Father's Day. I ache to hear my dad call me "punkin'" or to laugh at Cami's antics. He adored that girlie! They have quite a connection even now that he is gone. She speaks of him often and also reassures me that he is our angel. I believe her. I believe children have a spiritual connection with life "on the other side." My dad watches us and takes care of us. For that I'm thankful. I miss his laugh, his grin, his dimples, his compassionate eyes, his loving hugs, his ridiculously detailed stories, his quick wit, his passion for writing, and really, I just miss HIM.

A break

I'm missing my sweet girl tonight. It is ironic that sometimes I can feel in my soul that I need a bit of a break for a little alone time, but then I long to hug her and laugh with her. Cami and I have an amazingly strong bond, which is wonderful. I'm truly blessed. But she comes to my bed EVERY SINGLE night. I reach a point where I just need a little "me" time. I don't want an animal or a child touching me, or climbing on me. 24/7 adds up quickly, especially for someone who is so fiercly independent. I get overwhelmed at times with working full time, soccer practice, grocery store, cleaning, cooking dinner, being a disciplinarian, paying bills, etc. Then do it all over again beginning at 5:30 a.m. the next day. I feel guilty about needing/wanting a break, but I do feel refreshed when I get it. I also tend to not even want to see friends when she's gone. I truly am THAT tapped out that I can't bring myself to be social. So, she has been gone an entire 10 hours and I miss her terribly. Sigh. Enough break...