Mother's Day

As we drove to HEB for our typical Sunday shopping trip, my daughter talked about getting me a Mother's Day gift.  She even brought her wallet with $26.  I told her there wasn't a need to get me something, but in typical Cami fashion, she was insistent.  Approaching the store, she told me what aisle she would be on, but gave me instructions not to watch her.  She returned within 2 minutes.  She told me she was going to pay and not to look.  I suddenly panicked because she can't count money.  I said, "let me come help you or I can pay and you can pay me back." Nope.  She was on a mission.  I watched in awe as my 10 year old sometimes I'm independent but sometimes I need you daughter walked confidently to the express lane, waited in line, and paid (with NO trouble)!  As I watched, I cried.  What a special gift I've been given in her.  Smiling, she walked over to me and I hugged her tightly to tell her how special she is.  In the car, she directed me to close my eyes.  She couldn't wait to give me 3 tubes of lipstick. Two are colors she thinks I would have chosen (and she was correct) and 1 was a crazy, bold color that is to be used for going out! How fun.  I'm so proud of my girl and I thank God daily for my blessing.

Positive thoughts?

Tonight was a bit tough. I had another version of the stomach bug beginning yesterday and had to miss work today. Cami left this afternoon for 10 days with her dad. On the positive, I have several days to connect with friends, buy and wrap presents, and take time for myself.

Included in those "several days" are my former wedding anniversary, Christmas Eve, and Christmas. My parents always say, "it's just a day." I agree. MY Christmas is when Cami is home. However, knowing the rest of the Christians in the world are celebrating on Dec. 25 is a bit difficult. I can do it; I've done it for 10 years. Which brings me to the next point. I'm READY for a relationship. An adult relationship with a man. Yes. You heard me. I've done Match, Perfectmatch, eharmony, blind dates, set ups with friends of friends, blind dates... so what is the problem? Perhaps I wasn't as "ready" as I thought I was? Perhaps I haven't found the right person? No idea. But, I'm SURE NOW is the time. Okay? Help a girl out! :-)

Thank you

Thank you, God. Thank you for blessing me with my amazing little girl. Thank you for choosing me to be her mother. I didn't realize I would need to discuss death, or relationships (family, BOYS, and girlfriends) so often. However, today I realized that these experiences help her understand life, the importance of relationships, death and You.

We had a tragic, terrible experience this morning. We tried to save a little white dog trotting down a road full of traffic. We attempted to happily lure her into the car, in the dark. The dog didn't respond, and headed right into the intersection of a major highway, only to be hit (as I heard, and my daughter saw) by a "monster truck." Do you know what my angel said? Through her tears, she put her hands in a "why" gesture and said, "God always has a purpose." Really?! I wasn't even "there" yet in my own head, and my 9 year old recognized that? In fact, I was pissed. I was thinking, "WHY did you let my daughter see this? WHY?" I'm seriously amazed by her. From the time she was 3 and recognized my grief at the loss of my father, to now. Talk about intuitive. I've never been so proud of anything in my life.

The experience this morning and the fact that she can describe the scene in detail disturb me. However at the end of the day, she donated $45 of her own money to an animal shelter "in memory of the dog that died today." Thank you for reminding me of my blessings. I'm sorry it took this tragic event to remember.

Normalcy

Normalcy (according to Websters):

Definition of NORMALCY

: the state or fact of being normal

Examples:

1. Let's hope for an end to the war and a return to normalcy.
2. normalcy of peacetime life>

My question is this: "what is the state...of being normal?" What is the operational definition? What in the hell is "normal?" My normal and your normal are probably different. My normal is a quiet home with my daughter. On a week night we do homework, have dinner, shower, and then watch tv or play outside IF there is time. Then it is read and go to bed. Weekend...our normal is to totally chill out on Friday nights. We are both too exhausted to formulate a thought. Saturday and Sunday are typically soccer games, groceries, errands, play dates, movies, etc.

I WANT my "normal' to be all of the above without the added stresses of work, or mood swings (we are both female after all), pressures, being pulled multiple directions, cleaning house, doing laundry, etc. Okay, I want to have my cake and eat it too. I'm sick of that cliche. But I guess that sums up my wants. While I'm on that subject however, I must say that I also want a companion. I want to share my life with another adult, preferably a cute, intelligent male. I think I wanted another child (given I have the aforementioned male companion.) I'd love a bigger home, more organization, more time to devote to my child and more time to effectively do my job. Perhaps being on only 1 campus would help? Maybe it wouldn't. Really, I want to have an effect on children and teachers. I want to demonstrate and model the best practices of educating and parenting. I need to seek that opportunity, as well as the other opportunities I mentioned. I want to be thin without stretch marks. Now...let me get back to my reality... :-) We all have dreams.

Camp Invention

Cami was quoted in the paper! She had a blast at Camp Invention!

http://leanderledger.com/2011/06/28/how-to-make-an-inventor-…/

Tonsilectomy

Initially I thought, "she's just having her tonsils out." Now we are on day 5 and she is still in pain. I don't like it one bit. She woke up in the middle of the night with intense ear pain, and it is still here as I type. She did overcome vomiting on day 2 which was horrible. Each day is better, so I'm thankful for that.

Today is the 4th of July. I hope we are able to get out of the house at some point.

Award

Tonight I feel I should give myself a big award. I was invited to Trick-or-Treat with Cami and her dad's family. I went and enjoyed myself. I like his wife and their kids are precious. I love seeing Cami as a sister. In our house, she is an only child. It was refreshing to watch her with her sisters.

I must say, I struggled emotionally this weekend and couldn't figure out why. I've been on a semi-health kick, my career is going well, I've been happy. But this weekend was difficult. I finally surmised that I'm not where I want to be as a family. I had an expectation that 1) I wouldn't get divorced, and 2) after I did divorce, I would remarry and have another child. Well, here I am, 8 years out of my divorce, no man in sight, and certainly another child is not in sight. I decided that what was making me sad this weekend was the fact that my vision of "family" wasn't spending the evening with my ex-husband, his wife, their kids, and my child.

Once I put my finger on my issue, all I could was make the best of it. It is what it is. I am who I am. I'm in control putting the right things in my body, I'm in control of how I raise my child, I'm in control of my happiness.

So again, I think I deserve an award. I taught my daughter tonight that family is important, regardless of "which" family she belongs to. We are all a family, although very nontraditional, a family nonetheless.